I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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