U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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