btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
