Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
