Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
