I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
