He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
