There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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