She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
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Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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