Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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