Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
