I'm so fucking centered right now
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
