I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
