my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
