the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
