this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
