I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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