another moral hangover. fuck.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
