I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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