just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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