I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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