So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
