He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
