I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
