TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works