there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dating After Heartbreak
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015