Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I feel like I smell like bad decisions