Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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