Sponge bath it is.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
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He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?