I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.