tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
