the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
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This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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