Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
farters have to be the big spoon...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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