we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
