ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
