That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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