Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
