look no pants
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
