you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
