I wish my penis had an off switch
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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