I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
