I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
