I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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