he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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