I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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