what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
