Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
