Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
