Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
