dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
