After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
