I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
