It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
