So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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