dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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