if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
