there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
birth control should be required to get into college
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
