Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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