I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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