I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
