so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
