anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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