I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
