I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
