Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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