We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
