How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
